An Introduction to Sonia

The other woman living in my brain.

It was only a couple of a years ago when I realised that the thoughts inside my head were just thoughts and not ‘me’. I think I was guided to this principle after listening to The Untethered Soul by Michael Alan Singer, where he eluded to the fact that our true selves are the ones listening to our thoughts, asking them questions and applying logic on what we want to take and what we want to discard. I was shocked at this realisation that I had managed to live 30 years on earth not recognising that and asked my husband what he thought. In his classic, simple and rational reasoning he replied “My thoughts are just thoughts, I ignore half of them”. Ignore a thought? - I could never.

For almost my entire adult life I had been living with extremely catastrophic thoughts and I used to be so frustrated that I was like this. I used to become annoyed with myself, that my brain worked in that way and that my thoughts gave me so much anxiety. When I delved a bit deeper and realised that the real problem here was how I applied so much absolute reasoning to these thoughts, I could start to realise just how I might be able to help myself. A mic drop moment in my healing journey perhaps?

On a recent workshop I have undertaken for health anxiety, the therapist suggested that the nagging voice in her head which overwhelmed her with anxiety was called Heather. I like this idea of personifying. It gives a clear distinction between yourself and your problems, especially when they’re linked by the internal monologue rooted within your subconscious.

Therefore I’d like you to meet my ‘other woman’, Sonia.

Sonia has been around a while now and she has a habit of becoming extremely triggered by things and then flooding my body with adrenaline and cortisol. Sonia LOVES to hijack my amygdala, she’s a keen problem solver and borderline obsessive. She’s like a dog with a bone.

By recognising when Sonia takes over, it has allowed me to take the pressure off myself and has rid me of some of the weight I had been carrying. Even though I am in recovery from my problems, she still does crop up from time to time but it is also much easier to shut her down.

Just a few recent examples of Sonia being Sonia:

Sonia is extremely triggered by driving on a particular road and only this week started to really make a big deal about it, practically screaming at me as I casually drove to work. My response to Sonia ‘ Babe, it’s literally fine - I drive this way to work every week, we’re safe, nothing is going to happen let’s just chill out’ - I said this all out loud I might add - weirdly talking to her out loud managed to shut her up for the rest of the drive.

Sonia loves a catastrophic thought - I’ve been suffering with chronic headaches recently from postural related issues. These have been diagnosed and I’m under physio care - I just need a bit of patience and I will heal. Sonia however, fucking hates it. She can’t wait, she doesn’t believe the medics. Sonia has been pestering me for days now to Google ‘Occipital nerve cancer’ (Not sure that’s even a thing?) - I outright refuse, not today Sonia. We’re over this shit now.

So me and Sonia are mostly living quite harmoniously now, I feel like I understand her better and her triggers but am also much more able to reason with her when I create the space between us. We can both occupy the same brain, I’m sure she’ll be super helpful when I need to run away from a mass murderer or lift up a truck to save my unborn child, but she needs to let me take the reigns day to day.

Please do introduce me to your Sonia using the comments below.